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Yuri
Yuri is the Japanese version of lesbianism, but without the Dikes or the ugly fat lesbians. All Lesbians in Yuri are hawt, attractive, and love/sex hungry maniacs unlike in real life. Yuri girls can be found in many places in Japan, from the 'All-girls Catholic Schools' spreading their love of girl-love Mary Jesus to impressionable young minds, to normal High Schools in which they coerce their girl classmates to make out with each other ... they are everywhere!! No wonder Alien Tentacle monsters keep invading Japan, they have all the Hawt lesbians!! Yuri: The Purity of Love between Girls (and sometimes is not always about the sex... wait WUT?) Japan Makes Yuri Mandatory to All School Girls According with reliable sources, that can back their claims with speculations and opinions with no need of evidence or proof whatsoever, Japan is responsible for a secret program created by the Yuri government to send out hawt young female teachers around the world; their objective is to seduce impressionable young minds to join their yuri empire with the benefits of a Nation loving girl-on-girl action (with lots of benefits). The purpose of their program was to replenish their declining yuri population since they are not allowed to gay adopt children. The program was so successful that many schoolgirls ended up enjoying it and asking for more! More!! Moooore!!! The program has proven to be very effective, specially in an 'all-girl Catholic Schools' in Kalyfornia and Japan. How Yuri is a Threat to America's Young Girls (and why they should let us watch) The Yuri Government The yuri government is made up of a parliamentary monarchy. The Monarchs hold the title of "The Yuriko King" and "Lily Queen" of The "House of Haruhi" (after the decimation of the "House of Hard Gay" in 1672)"Hard Gay" was the Gayest King of Japan. He terrorized the Japanese population for years with his gaynesshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQwEsKQRHxE, until he was exiled by hardcore yuri-girls sick of having "his junk" waved in their faces... now that he is gone, all the yuri-girls in Japan can peacefully have their faces smashed with boobies (aka oppai, aka chichi, aka dirty pillows). The Yuri government has several political parties, but the most powerful are: *'The Yuriko Sempai Party': These girls are very tomboyish, intelligent and sporty, with the refined manners of a sophisticated High Class Lady. But dont be fooled! They are known for being sexual deviants, with a hunger for girl-flesh!! They are against the Heterosexual American God-fearing marriage (an abomination to the yuri bear-loving goddess) and they wish to posses their own "girl-harem" one day (they want to steal all of our BEAUTIFUL wymin from us!!). These yuri-girls are a big fans of 'girl-on-girl' action movies. *'The Shōjo-ai Imouto Party': These girls are the brainiacs and touchy feeling lesbians of yuri who pressure other girls to pursue a more "platonic relationship" with other girls. They are girly hotmosexuals with an infatuation complex to anything cute, beautiful, or cool but would rather pursue a romantic "emotional" relationship with other girls without the need for sex!! Blasphemy!! These awkward admirers of yuri with their twisted love can be mostly categorized as "girl-crushes" or mere infatuations toward a cooler girl. These girls know that their "flaming passion" is just transitory and a normal part of the process for female development that will lead one day into heterosexuality and motherhood (in other words, they are "moderate lesbians"). These lesbians like to take walks on the beach and read romantic novels on a winter night close to the fireplace… *'The Lily Lolicon Party': Very girly and very feminine yuri-girls who are looking to have fun and sex or both, sometimes they swing both ways just to get more fun! They have been known to be childish, immature, reckless, and party animals... they are the enemies of morality and God! Once you join them, you will never want to leave… (only girls allowed) The Yuri Religion Yurism Lilith was the founder of Yurism, a sacred religion to ‘educate’ girls and lesbian girls into a life of proper education and manners. Their purpose was to become ‘good girls’ or ‘bad girls’ for the lezbian society in an endless cycle of sex and more sex (sex must be strictly only between girls). But mostly it was about girl love that was pure, hot, and exclusive to girls only, AND only between 'girl on girl', which was still hot since we still get to watch (dont worry, we are just spying the enemy). Even thought many guys, boys, fanboys, and men un-american liberal bear-loving hippies wanted to join the yuri lifestyle and to follow "lesbianism" or "The Lezbian Gospel According with Sappho", they were all turned down. Lesbian doctrine and dogma denies entry to men, but some have decided to at least 'let them watch'. But then around last night, it emerged a new messiah that brought Hentainity, and caused a split (the "yuriaspora" or sometimes called the "Hentai Reformation") on the Yuri community. Hentainity The new savior and Messiah was a lolita girl of the name of Konata Izumi, with her romantic partner Kagami Hiiragi. She wanted to establish a new movement that encompassed the teachings of Otaku, Anime, Ero games, Hentai, tentacle monsters, and Yuri into a religion that shouldn’t just be exclusive to just "romance" or a "girlish lifestyle" that corrupts the minds of young girls. They wanted to soil their "pure hearts" further. Konata Izumi found the teachings of Yurism to be "too docile" and "not radical enough", not only that but the followers of Hentainity supported the heretic belief that the men should also join in the fun too! (as well as the inclusion of tentacle monsters, since the "Civil Alien Act of 2025"). But the followers of Yurism found these "undesirables" and the "Heretic Teachings" to be impure, raunchy, and too hardcore for them (also the men and tentacles were icky to their taste; if it is non-girl, it is not kosher), so the heretic followers were expelled from the Yuri community. This action backfired, as Hentainity was not just exclusive to lesbians or women but it soon added fanboys, nerds, dorcs, otakus, and other un-american "undesirables". These "undesirables" were welcomed to join their sect with open wallets... eeerr... hearts (but not Yaoi! It is abominable in the eyes of fanboys, no matter how much money you throw at it). These hopeless nerds and outcasts were given the privilege to join the new religious movement; the new converts then decided to create annual conventions around the world to spread the gospel of "hentainity" and to earn extra income for the church. The 40 year old vigins followers of hentai would make their fortune by selling hentai games and manga. Thus "The Holy Church of Hentainity" was born… Many fanboys consider Hentainity to be a better version of Yurism (The True Faith!) and they are waiting for the Yuri-girls to convert and join their side... so far the yuri-girls would rather die than join these heretics of impurity and enemies of "Pure Girl Love" Yaoism But that wasn’t the end for these corrupters of morality and proper behavior, even thought lesbianity and yurism was becoming more and more popular around the liberal world, not every girl wanted to join their cult. Some even found the idea of doing it with another girl unappealing (Oh noes!!!) but their hearts, minds, and souls were still rotten. There was a small minority of girls that found the idea of watching beautiful boys (bishies) appealing, they even found it hotter if these beautiful boys did it with other beautiful boys while the girls watched with girlish delight (disgusting). Because of this blasphemous act, these "impure heretics" were expelled and were branded as heretics. Soon these sick girls formed their own sect called "Yaoism". The founder was a Bishonen (peace be upon him), who won the hearts and minds of many girls (and boys) who were dissatisfied with Yurism, Hetainity or Lesbianism all together… The followers of Yaoism were called Fujoshi (for female members) and Fukei (for male members), and their membership rapidly grew in the dark corners of the world. Ever since its foundation all beautiful boys around the world started to disappear. Because of the blasphemous nature of Yaoism, it is not believed to be part of the teachings of Lesbianism (but it is still pretty gay). Footnotes See Also *Hentai *gay *Hotmosexuals *Lesbian *Isle of Lesbos External Tubes *confessions of a Yuri maniac *Essays on Yuri *Catholic Schools are a hotbed for rampant yuri!! *A Dummies guide to understanding Yuri and Yaoi for Real Americans